It saddens me to inform you that I did not make it through the 30 days of GOMAD. But my excuse is a good one: at roughly 4:30AM on Monday morning, the stomach bug from hell set upon me with all the wrath of Satan. I was vomiting off and on for 5 hours, after which I fitfully slept for 24+ hours during which I also developed a fever. It’s now about 1pm on the 30^th (what was supposed to be the last day of the diet), and I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m force-feeding myself anything and especially not milk. I’m just happy I can keep down veggies and tomato juice.

Regardless of this, I’m going into the doctor tomorrow morning (good timing), where I’ll get my blood work done and have my final weigh in. I’m also hoping they can tell me what the heck almost killed me yesterday.

Unfortunately, I expelled several pounds of water weight yesterday, and having not eaten much of anything for 36 hours, I’ll probably have lost a bit of the weight. But I think from the first two weeks of the diet, you can tell that gaining weight is easily achievable on this diet.

Now that it’s over, I have to say I doubt I’ll never do it again. Maybe for a week or two just to add some quick weight, if there’s ever a time where I need to add 10 pounds quickly (can’t imagine when that’d be), but if I’m being honest the last week and a half or so I’ve felt like crap. Very lethargic and sluggish, unmotivated, and downright depressed some days.

But hey, I’m no doctor, so maybe we’ll come to find out that I’ve just been sick the past week or so, and that yesterday was the culmination of that sickness. If so, then that’ll change my tune a little bit, because for the first 2-3 weeks of the diet I was feeling pretty good.

There’ll be one more, closing article to this series. After I visit the doc and get my blood tests back, I’ll post all the stats and really try to break everything down for you.

But until then…..

Remove this from my sight

I’m giving away two free gallons of organic whole milk!!!! How exciting for you. The rules of this contest are simple:

1. You need to be located in Richmond, VA
2. You need to be the first person to tell me you want them
3. You win

…Seriously, I don’t even want to look at the stuff right now. Who wants ‘em?

My apologies people, I have been failing miserably in updating as frequently as I should the past 2 weeks. I’m not sure if it’s the new lifting routine, the GOMAD diet, or the lack of sleep, but I’ve been feeling exhausted, unmotivated, and at times even a little sickly. In fact, last night we had to call my training session a bit short, due to me dry heaving in the corner for a minute or two. Coach said he couldn’t deal with me vomiting all over his gym, and I can’t blame him. I didn’t feel much like cleaning it up either.

I've had the "mondays" all week

Luckily I’m going back to the doctor December 1st for the post-GOMAD tests, so hopefully answers will be had at that point. Hopefully the answer won’t be, “You’ve got diabetes and cancer”.

Enough about my weakness. You want to know what the results were after 3 weeks on GOMAD:

Despite being extremely tired and unmotivated, I dragged my tail to the gym on Monday morning to weigh in and see where I was at. If you’ve read the previous 2 installments, you’ll know that after 2 weeks on the GOMAD diet I’d gained a whopping 15 pounds. With that in mind, I was expecting more weight to be added to that total after another week of the diet.

I’m not sure what to attribute this to, maybe I really am sick, or maybe my body has finally caught on that it has to fight a little harder to maintain my weight, but when I weighed in I had actually LOST a pound. That’s right, after week 2 I was at 189.5lbs., and this past Monday I was 188 @ 8.8% body fat. I’ve still been pounding milk, and eating my face off, and working out, and somehow I managed to lose a pound.

Again, I can’t tell you why, but I’m hoping the doctor can shed some light on it next week.

That’s really all I’ve got for this post. I’ll come clean with you, due to my strange lethargy/sickness, I’m taking today off from milk. So this test will end up being a 29/30 days of milk test. Deal with it.

Today (Monday) marked my 15^th day into the GOMAD diet, which means I’m halfway to the 30 day mark. For those of you considering GOMAD as an option for gaining weight, I’ve got some good news:

1. It works

I weighed in again this morning. I’m up to 189.5 lbs @ 9.7% body fat. I started at ~174lbs. @ 6% body fat, just a little over 2 weeks ago. If you’re worried that I look like a complete fatty, I can assure you I’m currently hiding it well. Maybe that’ll be a different story on day 30, but hopefully you’ll all still enjoy the creepy pictures I post of my fat ass.

A good side-effect is, my workouts have been great. I’ve got a new lifting coach (interview with him coming up in a future post), and he’s kicking the living @$%# out of me. All these calories are coming in handy come gym time.

So while I may be putting on a couple pounds of fat, I’m definitely putting on muscle and strength to counteract that…. Look, I didn’t start this blog to look pretty. That’s God-given.

2. It gets easier

The first week was a little rough, just trying to cram that many calories and amount of fluid into your gut can be quite the challenge. Considering I was trying to eat full meals on top of the milk, much of my eating wasn’t all that pleasant (force-feeding is my fave).

Week 2 though was much better. Now that my stomach has grown accustomed to that kind of volume, and my metabolism has ramped things up to keep myself from becoming Moobhis Khan, it hasn’t been all that uncomfortable from a consumption standpoint. In fact, if I don’t consume milk or eat every hour or two, I’ll start to get really, really hungry. Most days now I can comfortably finish my entire gallon before 8PM.



My neighbors fear me

Hardest part is still scheduling the consumption. I used to drink quite a bit of water throughout the day, but I’ve now almost entirely switched over to milk. I even set a reminder on my phone to go off every hour, reminding me to drink milk. If I actually drink 10-12 oz. every hour, on the hour, then it seems to work out pretty well.

And now, since the mission statement of this blog (as if I had one) states “Integrity precedes yokehood”, and is not about getting myself dates, I’ve got something a bit unsavory to discuss.

I’m going to at least make an attempt at damage control: Ladies, click here. Gentlemen, read on….

A lot of people around the Internet who’ve tried the GOMAD diet have complained of digestive issues from this diet, most notably severe diarrhea due to all the excess lactose. I, however, have come across the opposite problem. I think this is probably due to a couple things:

1. I have no problem with lactose. None whatsoever. Therefore milk is not a natural laxative for me.
2. My body is a creature of habit, even when it comes to using the bathroom. However, now that I’m cramming in twice as many calories, one would think my body would adapt to going twice as much… Well it hasn’t.

What this has resulted in is some pretty serious unpleasantness. While most have diarrhea problems, I seem to have eaten handfuls of gravel off the back of a truck.

Keep in mind, this probably won’t be the case for most of you, but if you’re like me and are coming off of a calorie restriction diet, and your body handles lactose really well, you might want to consider supplementing your diet with foods that are high in fiber (which I have now done and praise Jesus for).

Not the most pleasant topic, but I want to share the entire experience with you guys, so if you consider doing the GOMAD diet you’ll know what you may or may not be able to expect.

Weighing in again on Monday. Will keep you posted as always.

Need to get to bed: Got a workout at 8am and coach is going to kick my ass I’m sure.

Congrats to the winner: Alison!

While all contest winners are randomly generated, it’s always nice to give away things to friends. I’m pretty sure I know who’s getting this in their stocking come December…

Thank you to all who entered! Please check back for future giveaways.

There are two things we know about Popeye:

1. He loves spinach
2. He has terrible taste in women. He’s dedicated and loyal, God bless him, but I’m just… I’m not feeling it man.

That's the face of a very frustrated man

What is never explained to us, is how he developed such amazing tumor-tastic forearms. I’ve decided that it’s from one of two things:

1. He was a very, very lonely man. You would think from all the work that he’s put into Olive, that woman would’ve married him by now.
2. Captains of Crush. The man can close level 4, no doubt. (Only 5 people in the world have ever done it).

Who is this Captain of Crush? He sounds like a real badass. You’re right, and you can be too: The Captains of Crush are built for the sole purpose of giving you Popeye-esque grip. They are simple, durable, and challenging pieces of equipment. I’ll write a full review for you here soon, but for now you’ll have to settle for free things.

Giving away some free badass

While grip-specific training might not be something you focus on, your grip is the common denominator in close to all the lifts you do. You want to get that 400+ lbs. deadlift? Try doing it without some serious grip strengh… Or use straps, pansy. (I say this like I can deadlift more than 300, which I can’t. I also own a pair of straps, but they’re gathering dust)

So to help you along in your quest towards huge-itude, I’m going to lay two of these bad boys on one of you lucky Yokesters. Since I don’t know how far along you are in your quest, I’ll let the winner pick which two they want: Check out the Amazon page, or the Iron Mind site, and let me know which two you want. If you’re a weakling, you’d probably want to start with the “Guide” or “Trainer”. If you regularly lift, and think you’re a badass, maybe go for the 1.5 and 2.

…But I’m getting ahead of myself. You haven’t won yet. How do you win? I’ll tell you how. You can get a total of 2 entries from the following:

1. Post a comment on this post. In the comment list your favorite article from TheYoking.com, and tell me why. Sorry, this will take a little bit of reading, or some good BSing skills. I’m fairly certain many of you will go the BS route, but I reserve the right to not count your entry if I think you’re full of it.
2. Hit the FaceBook “Like” button at the bottom of this post.

As a little bonus for my loyal “fans”, I’m going to give you an entry for each comment you’ve posted in the past month as well. How’s that for a frequent flyer perk?

Sorry ladies. Unless you’re trying to achieve a kung-fu grip, or develop those man hands you’ve always wanted, you’re probably going to want to sit this one out… Or maybe you could win this for that special man in your life that happens to have the infamous dead-fish handshake.

Contest runs through 11:59PM EST on Thursday, November 18^th. Winner will be posted at the top of this article on Friday the 19^th.

Good luck.

Hey party peoples. I’m now on the 8^th day of the GOMAD diet. Sitting in bed, jug on the night stand, roughly 20 ounces of milk to go. Man, this comforter is killing me. It’s so damn hot in here…



Obviously, that’s become my mantra for the month. I’m seven days into the GOMAD diet, and it’s been hard to get an entire gallon down daily. (If you’re just jumping into this thing, and are unfamiliar with the GOMAD diet, you’ll want to take a quick step back to part 1).

I’ll give you the easy, the hard, and the progress after only 7 days on the GOMAD diet.

The Easy: The high volume of lactose.

While this would probably be an issue for most people, much of my youth was spent eating cheerios, climbing trees, and setting things on fire. I know a lot of kids drank a bunch of milk, but I mean I drank a BUNCH of milk. Even in my teenage years, while all the other guys were showing up to baseball games with half gallons of Gatorade, I was rolling up with my bottle of Nesquik. My baseball skills may or may not have been amazing, but the entire team was pretty amazed that I never puked.

Having said that, I was a little unsure how my body would react to such a high volume of milk day-in and day-out, but so far I have yet to feel the queasiness that many people associate with drinking too much milk.

The Hard: The sheer volume of fluid and calories

When’s the last time you drank a gallon of water in a day? It’s doable, but takes discipline and sometimes a little forced drinking.

Now think about injecting 2400 calories into that gallon of water, while eating and drinking your “normal” amount of calories. Yeah it can get pretty rough, especially if you don’t start pounding milk right out of the gate in the morning.

This past weekend my buddy had a couple of tickets to go see a comedy show, and the plan was to meet up around 6 for happy hour to grab a couple beers before the show. Sounds great right? Yeah, well that shaved a solid 4-5 hours off of milk and I’s “alone time”, and I was pretty sure they’d frown upon me bringing in my own White Russian ingredients to the bar: “Pardon me sir, can you use this milk? It’s kind of important…. Yes, that’s 12 parts milk, 1 part vodka and Kaluha… What? Oh yes, I thoroughly expect to vomit in your bathroom before the night is through. Don’t worry, I tip well.”

So like a champ, I decided to accelerate my drinking of mass destruction program, and pounded a solid half-gallon in about an hour and a half. Literally taking my last gulp before walking into the bar, tossing the carton into the trashcan out front.

Let’s just say that the beer was less enjoyable that evening. In fact, everything was a little less enjoyable until about 10pm that night.

Meh, you live you learn. I’m getting better at planning the consumption out as I go, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t get the whole gallon in every single day. In fact, the first two days of the diet I only got up to ¾ of a gallon before having to pass out in a fatty coma. But no more of that, I’m hitting a solid gallon each day now, and even a little more if you take into account the milk in my morning coffee.

The Results: Hoooollllyyy….

I literally went into the gym, weighed myself, and took the Omron 306C body fat test just 10 days ago. That day, a Friday, I was roughly 174lbs. at 6% body fat.

This morning I went in to do the same. Hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since the night before, like I always do. I took off my shoes, my belt, and emptied all my pockets. Figuring I’d just subtract a half-pound or so for my clothing, I stepped on the scale… Blinked, and quickly stepped off.

I took off all my clothes minus the skivvies and socks, and got back on: 184.5 lbs.

Wow.

Granted, I always go to sleep now on a full stomach, so I might have been carrying around a little of that weight, but this just floored me. I pulled out the Omron 306C to see what I was at, and I’ve already shot back up to 8.2% body fat.

… I didn’t even really know what to think. I still don’t. I expected some serious weight gain, but not this fast! I can’t even tell if I’m getting stronger, considering I’ve only hit each body part once since I began. It’s only been a friggin’ week!

If you do the math on that, this means I’ve gained a little over 10 lbs., and roughly half of that is body fat. Well this is why I shed all that weight. Lean out, before I get yoked out… Or maybe just fat.

No worries though, the goal isn’t to look pretty, it’s to gain strength. I’m going to keep plowing through my milk, and lifting heavy weight, until the month is through.

So one week (and a day) down, and a little over 3 weeks to go. I’ll be weighing in and reporting every Monday. Hopefully you’ll recognize me if you see me, and not think it’s just some fat guy in a little coat (….had to).

You may or may not have attended college, and if you did, you may or may not have joined a fraternity… for that matter, you may or may not be a dude, which is a prerequisite for said fraternity. Anyhoo, people who are in fraternities do stupid, stupid things. I have witnessed (and sadly participated in) some… okay, many, of these dumb things back in my college days, but the one that I want to revisit today is the infamous milk challenge.

If you aren’t familiar with this challenge, the gist is this: One man, one gallon of whole milk, and one hour to drink it. Simple… and terrible for witnesses and participants alike, as the inevitable result is pretty unappetizing.

I think frat dudes are the only people crazy/drunk enough to even try this. I’ve seen it. It’s gross/hilarious.

So what does this have to do with the GOMAD diet? Does it call for a gallon of whole milk every hour, on the hour? No no, nothing crazy like that. I figured I’d bring the shock and awe of the milk challenge to open your mind to the idea of the GOMAD diet: one man, one gallon of whole milk, one full day to drink it. See? That’s not so bad, right?

This should last about a week

How it’s done

Sorry, this isn’t a one-time thing. To do the GOMAD justice, one must drink a gallon of whole milk per day for 1-2 months straight. Not only do you have to drink the milk, but you need to eat your normal meals and snacks throughout the day. Considering that a gallon of whole milk has roughly 2400 calories in it, and you’re supplementing that with 2000+ calories of regular food…

Yeah, you did it math wiz, that’s equals a ****load of calories.

Why, dear God, would you do this

Well, to get huge-ified of course. Or more specifically, pack on a good amount of weight and muscle in a short period of time.

Many people seriously advocate this diet for “hard gainers” (guys with really fast metabolisms), which would make sense since you’re taking in tons and tons of calories, and milk is packed with loads of protein and macronutrients for getting straight yoked (or fat).

Sure, it’s obvious that you’ll pack on some fat in the process, but if you’re consistently lifting heavy weights, the idea is your muscle gains will be a significant portion of your weight gain; and if you’re a person who has a hard time gaining weight, it’s probably not such a problem for you to lose the fat after you’re done with the weight gain phase.

I’ve seen claims around the all-knowing, never lying, Internet that some guys have gained as much as 25lbs in 25 days. I’m going to say that’s BS, but hey, who knows?

But why whole milk!?

Ha. My doctor asked the same question.

Well the idea behind the whole milk is:

1. Whole milk has more calories.

You’re basically trying to cram as many calories into your skinny little frame as possible.

2. Whole milk has more saturated fat.

Oh, you thought saturated fat was bad? Well according to the online community of fitness “experts”, saturated fat helps promote testosterone production (the one real perk), but won’t affect your blood cholesterol, won’t give you heart disease, etc…

Look, I’m not saying whether they’re right or wrong. But I’m pretty sure many of them graduated from medical school with the same GPA as Dr. Dre (who produced a riveting dissertation on the medicinal uses of marijuana).

Why are you telling me this

Because I’m doing it. Right now. This minute. Gallon jug in hand.

This article is part 1 of a series on the GOMAD diet. I’ve seen a lot of chatter around the Internet and in the gym of how great/terrible this diet is, so I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and do a little self-experimentation for your education… Get your mind out of the gutter and focus.

I’m not talking about your typical meathead experimentation with random un-approved supplements with sinister sounding names: “Bro!! I just gained 8,000lbs on my bench press from taking this sweet supp called JACKED-UP PCP R.I.P.!! I think I may have just murdered all my family members with my bare hands, and I’m pretty sure I just ate your kitten, but look at how huge I am-DID YOU JUST LOOK AT ME FUNNY BECAUSE I AM RAGING RIGHT NOW”

No, no. I took measurements. I even went to the doctor. Yes, a real doctor, and got my blood work done. So here’s how this is going to work:

• For 30 days I am going to drink 1 gallon of whole milk each and every day. I am going to lift heavy weight (I’m embarrassed to admit what passes as “heavy” these days) 3-4 days a week, as prescribed by most power/strength lifting routines.
• I weighed myself and took my body fat measurements before starting. I will do so again the morning of December 1^st before stepping into the doctor’s office.
• I visited the doctor and had blood work done to check what my LDL, HDL (cholesterol) and triglyceride (fat in the blood) levels were at right before starting this diet. I will go back the morning of December 1^st to have my blood work done again to see where these indicators are at (….among other things. JUST KIDDING GRANDMA).

My thinking is I will absolutely gain weight, strength, muscle, and fat. However, if I have diabetes, cancer, and my heart is about to explode, then is it really worth it?

It seems like many guys completely segregate their goals in the gym from the goals in the rest of their lives: Sure, I want to get strong. But I also want to have a wife and kids someday. I want to celebrate a 50^th wedding anniversary. I want to be there to watch my son play his first tee ball game, scream at the umpire when he blows the call, and get escorted out of the stands like any good father would. If I have a daughter, I want to walk her down the aisle, and she better be wearing white or I will lay waste. You get the idea.

Point is, is it worth taking extreme measures to reach your fitness goals if you’re sacrificing your long term health? After all, fitness doesn’t just equate to strength. It equates to overall good health and longevity.

Now yoked, on the other hand, equates to all the above. That’s why we do this.

Bottom line

By the end of this series I hope to answer two questions for you:

1. Does the GOMAD diet work.
2. Will it kill you.

I hope this intrigues you, because I don’t want to do this for naught.

I’m not going to give you any links to any GOMAD related websites. I don’t want them to think I was specifically calling them out with my Dr. Dre comment, and then get sued for slander or some bull like that… You’d be amazed at what people are suing over these days.

Just type GOMAD into Google, and you’ll find plenty.

Well people, it’s November 1^st, and as far as my fitness routine and focus is concerned things are about to completely change. October was an extremely long month for me, but I’m thinking that was due to the whole injury thing. Time drags when you’re limping around. I’d say I’m about 85% now though, so I’m going to push onto phase 2.

But let’s talk about the good news first: did the final weigh in and body fat test this past Friday, and here’s what we’re working with.

He shoots, he scores.... A month late, but who's counting.

I’ve been using the results from a caliper test as the “official” testing method, but for some reason when I went into Gold’s Gym on Friday morning for the caliper test, the guy behind the counter told me I needed to take some sort of “orientation” class before they could test me…. That literally makes no sense, but I’m sure the guy was just doing his job. So regardless, I used my little Omron HBF-306C Fat Loss Monitor, and booya. You see the results. The Omron 306C has been consistently half a point or so higher than the calipers, so I’d like to think I’m closer to 5.5%, but I guess we’ll never really know.

So to sum it up, goal #1 was to achieve 6% body fat. It’s a month later than I wanted to achieve the goal, but I finally got there and I feel pretty awesome about it. I started off at around 11% body fat at 191lbs, and now I’m at 6% or less, at 173.6lbs.

goodbye abs. It's been real.

But alas, it’s time to say goodbye to my abs and the definition I’ve worked so hard for. I probably won’t see them again until sometime next year. Now that I’ve got that goal out of the way, I’m going to be making an almost complete 180 in training and diet. So let me give you an idea of what’s coming up in the near future here:

• An article or two on powerlifting and Olympic style lifting.

I’ve talked to a couple different coaches here in the Richmond area, and when I decide upon which one to go with, I’m going to sit down and do an interview with him to get a basic intro into the world of strength training. I’m sure it’ll be refreshing for you all to read the opinions of someone who actually knows what they’re talking about…

• An article series on the GOMAD (gallon of milk a day diet).

I’m using myself as a guinea pig to save you all from going through this hellacious diet without knowing if it’s effective or not. Doing before and after blood tests, talking to my doctor, etc.

• Another giveaway at some point. People like free things.

I may spice it up with a few other things too, but the above is what I have planned for November.

So that’s what going on blog wise, which naturally coincides with what’s going on training and diet wise: Today I start on the heavy lifting phase. I’ll be working on strengthening the whole body of course, but the staples will be a lot of squats and deadlifts, since goal #2 is all about leg strength:

Deadlift: 1 rep maximum(RM) at 2 x Bodyweight(BW). I’m estimating this will be somewhere around 400lbs.

Front squat: 1RM @ 1.75 x BW

Squat clean: 1RM @ 1.25 x BW

I hope to be solidifying a lifting coach in the next week or two. I talked to a couple different guys last week, and they both impressed me as excellent coaches with a wealth of knowledge. I just need to figure out which one will work better for me price and scheduling-wise.

The biggest change for me is going to be this diet. Since I’ve been trying to shed fat, my diet has been at a caloric deficit, at 2500 calories per day for several months now. That is going to change completely: Today will be day 1 of my 1 month stint on the GOMAD diet.

I’ll go into more detail in future posts, but the basics of the GOMAD diet are this:

1. Consume normal, healthy meals throughout the day.
2. …while also consuming a gallon of whole milk throughout the day, each and every day.

If you’re thinking this sounds difficult and terrible, I’m inclined to agree with you; and mind you, I love milk. But I’ve heard from many sources, and even a few friends with personal experience, that the GOMAD diet is an excellent way to pack on some quality muscle (and some fat too, let’s be honest).

Alright, well considering the amount of milk I need to consume today, I probably should stop typing and get drinking. The folks at work are going to think I’m completely insane. Hopefully the diet won’t turn me into a raging gorilla foaming milk from the mouth, but no promises.