Drugs are bad, mmmmkay. Every authority figure you’ve ever had in your life tells you this: yo momma, yo daddy, and yo boss. In fact, if you do them, we’re going to fire you. You druggie jerk.

Heck, if the drugs are “bad” enough, congress might even assemble with the intensity of Captain Planet on Earth Day to pwn you in front of America on CSPAN…. Wait, what?

I’m talking about steroids people (which I will now affectionately refer to as “’roids”), and referring to how it somehow became a matter of national security to hunt down and humiliate those who used them in the great, God-given, Pope-blessed, hand-kissing, baby-shaking, sport of perfection that is known as baseball (Yes, I am a fan).

The side effects of steroid use in women can be pretty brutal

Like pretty much everyone else in America, I’ve been under the impression that ‘roids are pretty much worse than crack, and will eventually make you lay waste to all you love a la Hagar the Horrible.

I’m not saying that I’m now a proponent of ‘roids, and I’m certainly not taking them (as if you couldn’t tell). If I were taking ‘roids, I’d me much more rhino-like than… cheetah-like? No, Jaguar. Cheetahs are fast, but kind of sissy looking. I feel Jaguar will suffice… A sexy, non-spotted, Jaguar type of guy… That sounds stupid too, maybe a lion or tiger.

WHATEVER.

Point being, I’m not going to be trying out for middle linebacker anytime soon. If you start seeing pictures of me on here with a purple face and abnormally large delts, then maybe we’ll have to have the ‘roid talk, but until then you don’t have to worry. I’m all-too-obviously clean.

However, I’m a little more “on the fence” about the “right or wrong” of steroid use than I used to be, due to this very well done documentary called “Bigger, Stronger, Faster”. I’m still of the opinion that if your sport says they’re against the rules, you should be disciplined for using them. But if you’re not in a sport that considers it cheating, and you understand and accept the risks and potential side-effects of taking them, I’m not so sure I’d break your balls about it (and not just because I’d be afraid of your ‘roid RAAAAAGE).

Below I’ve embedded part 1 of the series, but you can view the whole thing on YouTube (in chunks).

If you ended up going to YouTube and watching the whole thing, what did you think? Did it open your eyes up a bit on the subject? I hope at the very least it gave you a different perspective or provoked some thought.

Oh and if you didn’t watch it, you’re still welcome to post your uneducated, media spoon-fed opinion.

Sorry for not posting sooner people, my internet was down the better part of last week. But speaking of last week: Best. Lifting week. Ever.

It was one of those weeks that remind you why you do the things you do. That really affirms all your hard work and keeps you hungry for at least another 6 months or so, regardless of your progress. It went a little something like this…

Tuesday – Power clean day. This actually wasn’t a very good day. I’m finding that on clean days I either leave very happy or pretty angry with myself. I left angry. But no matter…

Thursday – Squat day. Blew my previous PR out of the water with a squat of 320# (highest I’d ever done before was 245). After that, it was all strongman type work: Simulated Atlas Stone lifts, farmers walk, sled drag, sandbag carry…. More fun than I’ve had in a while at the gym.

Saturday – was glorious.  

First, let me recap where I’m heading with all this lifting: I started lifting with a focus on 3 specific goals about 2 months ago:

• 2x bodyweight deadlift
• 1.75x bodyweight front squat
• 1.25 bodyweight power clean

I’m happy, and a little amazed, to report that I hit the deadlift goal that morning. It’s not that I doubt I can achieve all of the above, it’s more a matter of the time frame that surprises me. I was having a hard time pulling 250# off the floor less than 2 months ago, and Saturday morning I hoisted 380 at a bodyweight of 188lbs.

Friggin’ sweet way to end a great week in the gym.

If you don’t believe me, it has been recorded in the sacred annals of YouTube. Observe (and yes, I do know that my form fell apart):

Shout out to my friend Justin Pendleton from the FireStarter group for editing the video. Couldn’t have my grandma sobbing over all the f-bombs that led up to this historic lift.

It’s funny how greedy I am. After watching this video, my immediate thought was: it would look a whole lot more badass if that was 8 plates instead of 6 and change….

Maybe I’ll post another video when that happens.

Alright, enough about me. Next post will be something more informational, less egomaniacal.

Bah. Theory. What a loaded word.

Back in college it meant the difference between an A and a D (or worse). For instance, you look in your class catalogue, and see “Human Sexuality”. You’d think, “That looks awesome. I’ve got sexy parts, and I seem to ponder this topic quite frequently.… I’m going to nail this.”

Now take that same class, and add “Theory” to it: “Theory of Human Sexuality”. Sounds more sterile than a eunuch, and it’s probably a bunch of nonsense that has no practical value. Certainly not the kind you’re looking for. Also sounds like you won’t be in class much, and will subsequently pass, happily, with an F+.

Alright, so what the hell am I talking about.

I’m talking about theoretical repetition maximums. I’m not sure that intro does it justice, but my point being that the word “theory” makes anything sound questionable at best. I could “theoretically” do a lot of things: insert funny theoretical activities here. But does that mean I will actually accomplish it?

Well not necessarily, but when it comes to your 1 repetition maximum (1RM), they’ve come pretty damn close to being able to compute what your 1RM would be for a given lift.

I swear I’m not making this stuff up. The folks over at the NSCA know what they’re about, and they’ve been kind enough to make their fancy equation available to the masses. They’ve even got a chart for those who are “flying solo” (no partner to spot you):

NSCA 1 Repetition Maximum Calculator

All you have to do is pick a weight, pump out your maximum number of repetitions at that weight, and then enter your weight/reps into this handy dandy tool. This will give you a pretty good indicator of what your 1RM will be for any given exercise…. Theoretically.

According to my calculations....You lift weights like a 9 year old Lithuanian girl

What’s so important about the 1RM?

Let’s be real, when somebody asks you “how weight much can you….”, what are they asking? They’re asking what the maximum amount of weight is that you can do for a single repetition.

The 1RM max has no bearing on your overall physical fitness level, how well rounded of an athlete you are, and certainly not your health. But as a “gold standard” indicator of pure brute strength, there’s nothing out there that even compares.

And if you’re a dude, you care about this.

Ladies, don’t even try to understand it. Please, just be shocked and awed when we lift heavy things.

So next time you’re at the gym, rep out what you can on the bench press and throw it in the calculator. Then, when somebody asks you “how much do you bench, bro”, you can say “Oh, you know, 315….” and as they walk away impressed, you can whisper to yourself: “…theoreticallyyyy”.

Anyway, thought I’d lay that down for you, since I’ve been throwing around the term “theoretical maximum” here and there, and been using it as a marker of my progress.

Take this knowledge and do something awesome with it.

Quiz time. I have two options for you:

Sorry for leaving everyone hanging last week. You may have started to worry that I had raged myself into the local jail, across the Rio Grande, or into a body bag. Or maybe you were pulling for that, I’m not sure. I’d be honored if I had at least 1 or 2 haters.  That’s when really you know you’ve “made it”.  Anyway….

Thankfully for me, and you loyal readers, New Years Eve was an epic success, and everyone involved had a great time…. That, or they’re all liars. Either way, I had a great time. You’ll also be happy to hear that despite being in party mode, I couldn’t put down the desire to get a little work in: I ended up walking 5 miles home that night (my friends were less than impressed, considering I failed to communicate my workout schedule to them).

With New Years Eve behind me, and many friends now out of the local area code, it was back to “normal” life come Monday; and honestly it’s a little bit of a relief to get back on schedule. I’m really not much of the hard partying type to be honest, but when old friends come around, it’s hard not to let loose a little bit and have a great time. We all seem to operate with the mindset of, “Oh crap, I’m only going to see these guys for the next 8 hours!! We need to have as much fun as humanly possible in this small window of joy. Bro, mix me a red bull and vodka and throw a shot of espresso on top for giggles! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER – GOOOOOO….”.

This was the last picture of the evening. Says it all really.

Ah yes friends. Those of you out of state will be greatly missed, and those of you in state… why the hell don’t we hang out more?

Alright, *sniffle*…. sob story over.

Like I said, it was back to real life, and that also means back to the gym with Ryan Horn. Luckily for you, I’ve been given the green light to post the details my regimen here for all to read.

Since Ryan does this stuff for a living, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t giving away his “secret sauce” for free…. Maybe should’ve worded that differently. You know what I’m trying to say.

However, having worked with him for a month or two now, I realize that posting my programming is not nearly the same as having a seasoned coach formulate a program specifically for you. Ryan bases all my exercises and loads off my goals, how my body reacts to training, and the different strengths and weaknesses that I display. (Starting to sounds like a Jay-Z single)

Point being, you can take this programming and use it all you want. It still won’t tell you how to clean, when you should push yourself for a heavier load, or react to how you are progressing. This is my program, so take from it what you will, but always with a grain of salt.

Again, since Ryan has been doing great things for my training, I feel like I should throw him a bone here: If you’re looking for a good coach for power lifting or overall fitness, whether it be virtual or you’re local to RVA, you should contact the man for at least an initial session or consultation. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

We only had 2 lifting session, due to me being unable to make it in yesterday (Sunday), but don’t worry: I still managed to get in some cardio/band work/yoga/rock climbing on the off days.

Here’s the deal:

Tuesday

Roll out – This is the very first thing I do before every workout. It feels like a deep tissue message (read “hurts like hell”), but it’s great for your muscles and keeping them healthy and loose. You can get a foam roller for pretty cheap, but I’m proud to say I’ve graduated to the big boy club, and now roll out with a PVC pipe fragment. If you’re feeling ballsy (or cheap) you can go straight for the PVC. I’ll write a post about it soon, but until then you can get the gist here.

Warmup circuit – 3 rounds of:

• Jump rope for 2 minutes
• 15 reps of body weight reverse hyperextensions
• Kettlebell complex (swings/high pulls/clean and press)

Main exercise – Power cleans

We almost always start by warming up with the bar. I did a complex of Romanian deadlifts, power shrugs, and then put it together for a full power clean into 3 front squats.

After that, it was sets of 1 rep. Worked up until I missed at 205#. I begged to try again, and nailed it (though my form still left a lot to be desired). Felt pretty awesome about that, we dropped it down to 185# pounds, and did a couple sets of 2 reps.

I was really happy, because the previous week I had missed multiple times at 185#. This time I not only exceeded my previous miss, but then dropped back down and nailed it for sets of 2… Gloat over.

Assistance work/Let’s see how bad we can make Luke feel in a short amount of time

1. Dumbbell presses – 5 x 5 each arm @ 50lbs

   – superset with –

   Weighted pull-ups – 5 x 5 @ 15lbs vest

2. Weighted Glute Ham Raises – 3 x 8 @ 15lbs vest / drop set

   – superset with –

   Weighted roman chair sit-ups – 3 x 10 @ 15lbs vest

I say three sets of 8 on the GHR’s, but I’m not going to lie to you, that didn’t actually happen. The sit-ups were no big deal, but GHR’s were killer. We ended up taking the vest off halfway through the 3^rd set as I was sitting at 45 degrees for a few seconds and obviously not going anywhere but down.

Thursday

Roll out

Warm-up – was a quickie today

• Jump rope – 30 seconds
• 2 rounds of:
  • Hip openers – 10 reps
  • One legged hip thrusters – 10 reps per leg
  • Overhead Squats – 10 reps @ 45lbs (the bar)

Main exercise – Back Squats

• Set 1: 45lbs x 5 reps
• Set 2: 95 x 5 reps
• Set 3: 135 x 5 reps
• Set 4: 185 x 5 reps
• Set 5: 210 x 3 reps
• Set 6: 230 x 7 reps (booyah. That pushed my theoretical max up to around 280)

Assistance work – This doesn’t look bad, but coach made sure I was miserable.

1. 6 rounds of:

   Power pushups with a medium resistance band and chains @ 6-8 reps

   – super set with –

   Hanging rows with chains @ 6-8 reps

   …. The term “super set” is a little misleading, because there was no rest between any of these. It was just a turntable of misery.

2. 2 rounds of:

   Rotator Cuff complex @ 15 reps per exercise. (I’ll try to post this sometime)

I’m not sure if I’m going to start posting this stuff daily as I do it, or if I’ll just do weekly wrap-ups. I’ll feel it out.