I lied to you all… and for that, I am truly sorry.

I will not be starting the Paleo diet this Thursday the 31^st, but have pushed everything back (the diet, the bloodwork, etc.) by one week. I know you all marked it on your calendars and were waiting impatiently to hear news, but due to complete and utter Ramnation, things must be postponed.

I am an alumnus of the magnificent, prestigious, glorious, and sometimes ghetto learning establishment called Virginia Commonwealth University (better known as “VCU”), and we don’t usually have a whole lot to cheer about when it comes to sports. That statement doesn’t just apply solely to VCU; that covers the entire city of Richmond.

Sure, we’ve got a sweet AA baseball team named the Flying Squirrels, and during the 7^th inning stretch we have 5 dudes dressed up in maid outfits and wigs that drag the field (GET IT!? Drag queens!!). They even stop after the turn at 3^rd base to do a little dance…. But other than that, we don’t get a whole lot of serious sports excitement around here.

Well there’s this little thing called March Madness going on right now, and in case you hadn’t noticed, VCU is a Walt Disney movie in the making. By the way, Disney, since I came up with the idea I demand that you let me cast the movie:

• Shaka Smart – played by Vin Diesel (It was him or Mark Wahlberg. I feel like Vin would be cheaper… should be cheaper)
• Joey Rodriguez – played by John Leguizamo (or Enrique Iglesias if we can land him)
• Jamie Skeen – played by Shaquielle O’Neal (he was spot on in Kazaam, and his NBA career is waning)
• Bradford Burgess – played by Denzel Washington (He’ll bring some credibility to this whole debacle. Which we’ll need after putting Vin/Shaq in key roles)
• Ed Nixon – played by Djimon Hounsou (Nixon’s our best defender, and I feel like Djimon proved his ability to play some damn good defense in Gladiator)
• Javonte Reddic – played by Tyson Beckford (I’m embarrassed that I even know who that is. Damn you Bravo!)
• Brandon Rozzell – played by Matt Damon (I think Matt needs to take a role out of his comfort zone for a change, and if he pulls this off, it could be Oscar worthy)
• Directed by Peter Jackson – I say this because we’re going to need some of his Lord of the Rings camera skills to make the 5-foot-something Beckford look like a 7’ giant in the lane.

….Oh and I demand the entire team be allowed to make a cameo. Maybe have Skeen throwing his jersey to Shaq saying, “Good game kid. Way to not be a butthole on the court.”

But I digress. The point of this post is for me to give a solid reason why I won’t be starting the Paleo diet until next week. Well, VCU being in the final four of the tournament is quite honestly the single most exciting and unifying event that’s happened to this city since I’ve lived here (a solid decade now), and I don’t plan on not being a part of it.

We're all pretty excited about this.

You might say, “Well Luke, you can be a part of the party without drinking.” To which I’d say, “You’re absolutely right, I could do that”.

But here’s the thing: I hate drunk people. Unless – unless… I too am drinking. Which is why I’d make a terrible cab driver. I don’t have to be drunk, but I do need a little alcohol to take away the abrasiveness of being surrounded by hundreds of drunks. Therefore, in the spirit of unity and camaraderie that this glorious event has brought into Richmond, I will be drinking this weekend, and therefore postponing the Paleo plunge. Because when I commit to a diet, I commit. None of this wishy-washyness. If I’m on, then I’m on… Just not yet.

Plus, this gives me more time to mobilize my Paleo pantry, which evidently takes more time and money to assemble than Oprah’s face. I’m quickly realizing that this diet is going to take a LOT more work and planning than the GOMAD did.

SO. Thursday, the 7^th of April will be the Paleo launch point! I’m doing it for Richmond. I’m doing it for VCU. I’m doing it for Shaka.

Sorry for the silence folks, but the last week and a half has been quite the rollercoaster with work/life/vacation. As I mentioned recently, I’d been kicking around the idea of going on the Paleo diet for a little while now, and I’ve decided that I am indeed going to give it the 30 day run (much like I did for the GOMAD diet, but hopefully this time I’ll feel better and not like I’d been hit with Ebola).

You know me, I’ll get scientific on your ass: I’m going to document the hell out of it, get pre/post blood work done, take my weight and body fat at regular intervals, throw up a few nudie pics, and even get the opinion of a professional dietician for your reading pleasure. Any other suggestions? Lay ‘em on me in the comments section, and I will mull them over. With that said, let’s talk a little more about what I’ve been up to leading up to this monumentally strict diet.

You know how I roll. I like to party hard before/after any serious change in training and/or diet. So that’s what I did….

Enter Savannah, Georgia’s Saint Patrick’s Day 2011.

Look I’m not going to be able to drink any alcohol for a whole 30 days, so I figured what better way to help me along that journey than go away for a 5 day weekend of revelry that will ensure that I don’t want to see a drop of alcohol for at least….. uh, well it ended up being only 2 days, but you get the point: Get it out of my system.

And out of the system it has been gotten, as evidenced by the photos below:

First picture in Savannah... So young, and naive.

This picture was literally 10 seconds after the first... How is it that Graham is already so drunk he can't find the camera? Lightweight.

This is post VCU winning to get into the round of 64. Obviously we're pleased.

Somebody is about to get Iced. HARD.

This was beyond awesome. They just rolled up into the bar and started to rock out on some Amazing Grace.

Matt, my beerpong partner, and my thumb, making it rain the $5 bills that we won from beating our frienemies Nick and Graham. It isn’t gambling if you know you’re getting paid at the end of the day. I call that professional sports. (Nick, you suck)

Not sure what happened here. GO RAMS (we won...again).

We won. Obviously.

LINEAGE.... You wouldn't understand.

Even though I almost got trampled by a police horse that appeared to be a Clydesdale/Wooly mammoth hybrid at one point, we had a good time as you can see, and now I’m locked, loaded, and ready to paleo the heck out of it. Many thanks to the city of Savannah and it’s inhabitants for putting up with us. I’m sure all the money we spent eased the blow.

Paleo starts the 31st of this month. I’ve still got time to drink beer, so off I go….

Don’t do this:

This was attempt #1 @ 225lbs this past Friday. Absolutely hilarious/terrible fail. No worries though, because attempt #4 I nailed it for a personal record (PR). Of course the camera wasn’t rolling for it, but you’ll have to take my word.

Consider yourself put on notice 237.5lb (the goal weight). I’m coming for you.

This giveaway is now closed. Thank you to all, *cough* all THREE of you, who played!

Congratulations to STEPHEN, our winner! I’ll be contacting you soon to make arrangements to get them to you.

Well I sat down with the intention of writing something exciting, profound, and just all around awesome, as you folks have come to expect; but then I realized: hey, this is going to be my 50th post since I started doing this thing last year.

My first thought was, of course, to do that epic montage that I’ve been pondering. But I think I’ll save that for number 100. So I figured instead of me doing that whole pat myself on the back thing, I should just give the people what they really want: Something free.

MMmmmm. Organ meat.

Now what you may or may not appreciate, is that I like try and give away things that are relevant to what I’m currently into. Hopefully you’re interested in the same thing, and if not, well then I’m sorry: I hope you don’t win.

To keep in line with this, I’m going to be giving away the following two “Paleo Diet” books to our lucky winner:

1. The Paleo Solution: The Original Human Diet (The why)
2. The Paleo Diet Cookbook (The how)

The reason being, that I’ve decided to give this whole Paleo diet thing a try for at least 30 days later on this month or the beginning of April (more specifically, I plan on doing the Whole30 as I mentioned in a recent post). which means I’ll probably be reading the same books. (See, we can be reading buddies! Let’s start a book group! …no)

So whether you want these books for yourself, or want them for your fat, tired spouse/bf/gf/kid/grandma, all you have to do to enter this contest is:

Leave a comment at the bottom of this post telling me why you want to win these books.

The contest will go on a little longer than the previous ones. This one lasting for 2 weeks, at the end of which I will announce the winner here. Which means I’ll give you until midnight of Tuesday the 22nd of March, Eastern Standard Time.

So leave your comment and then check back in 2 weeks! Happy 50th peeps.

There are times in life when you need to rededicate yourself to something that’s important to you: your spouse, your religion, your career, your beanie baby collection, whatever. Much like taking your full grown self to church to be re-baptized, even though some weirdo priest waterboarded all over your face when you were a baby.

Well a couple nights ago I rededicated myself to the lifting goals that I’ve set for myself. Now I know it’s one thing to just say that, but I lived it.

Being in I.T., I sometimes get lucky enough to be invited to events that are thrown by giant I.T. software companies that have tons of money to throw around on marketing/shmoozing clients with the hopes of landing big software contracts. I got invited to such an “order anything on the menu and drink anything you want” event that was being held at Mortons Steakhouse, and I did. not. go. I died a little bit inside when I said no. Have you had Morton’s steak? Praise baby Jesus, it’s amazing.

food porn

I didn’t have to lift that night, so I had the time. My two stupid dogs had been let out during the day by a roomie, so they were good to go until 9 or so. I needed dinner, and who doesn’t like an open bar with top shelf liquor. (Notice I used a period and not a question mark, because it’s not even a real question) So why didn’t I go?

Because I know myself too well. The night would’ve played out something like this:

• 5:45 – 6:30

  I walk into Morton’s around 5:45, even though it officially starts at 6. The reason I do this is I want to eat as many of the coconut shrimp as I possibly can, and get a solid buzz, before the smiling vendor reps realize I’m not at all important and have no ability to buy whatever crappy piece of software they are selling. It’s not that they try to stop me from these activities when this epiphany hits them, but it gets more awkward; and if I’m buzzed and relatively satiated, I don’t care.

• 6:30-7:30

  We sit down, and they talk at us for at least an hour about how awesome this crappy software is that they just bought from some computer programmer working out of his basement in Bangalore, and give us grandiose promises of supporting it for all time… or until we call them with a problem. Whichever comes first.

  I order drinks continuously to make all this bearable. I then realize that I have my iPhone, and that I just downloaded Tiny Wings. Rock on.

• 7:45-7:48

  STEAK.

  “Waiter, give me another gin and tonic and a bourbon and coke. One for me, and one for the trash can. I don’t know which one I’m feeling okay, so just give me both and I’ll figure it out.”

• 8:00

  They say some words about something something crappy software something buy it, we love you and goodnight.

  This is where the story of the normal working man, and that of Luke Rhodes, diverge: All the normal people from my office go home to their families and probably kiss their kids good night, take a shower, drink some water, and go to bed at a time that makes sense to a working individual. I, on the other hand, call up my unemployed/real estate agent buddy, Matt, who I swear must be stripping on the side somewhere, and the conversation goes a little something like this:

  Me: Hey man, what are you doing

  Matt: Just got done doing p90x. It was brutal.
  

  Me: What day are you on?

  Matt: ….two?

  Me: That sounded suspiciously like a question and I’m not sure why-Look, that doesn’t matter. None of this matters. Are you drinking tonight?

  Matt: I don’t know, I’m trying to cut back and whatnot… Why, you trying to rageface?

  Me: Well I don’t know about raaaage per se, but I-

  Matt: You’re trying to rageface.

  Me: …Yes

• 9:00 – ….?

  We go to bars and pretend like what we’re doing is absolutely a great idea. I get home at an ungodly hour, eat something completely stupid that I bought from 7-11 or Jimmy Johns, and finally get to bed. The worst is when you go to Jimmy Johns and wake up with lettuce on your pillow as an immediate reminder of how dumb you were the night before.

  The next day is always the same. Believe it or not, I’m fully operation at work as far as productivity, however my body feels terrible and I’ve managed to convince myself that I have the plague. I go to the gym that night, my workout is terrible, and I wish that I’d never dedicated myself to such an uncomfortable endeavor as lifting massive amounts of weight.

….So knowing that THAT is how my night, and the following day, would play out, is the reason why I chose not to go to Mortons. I’m on a mission here, and though my progress has slowed down a bit, that doesn’t mean I’m any less dedicated to the cause. I’ve already hit the deadlift goal, and I’ve got a feeling that the clean isn’t too far away. Front squat, you’re a real jerk, but eventually you will succumb as well.

It’s all just a matter of time, dedication, and willpower. These things will happen.

Last night there was some pretty serious progress at the gym. The weight wasn’t an ungodly amount, in fact it was a weight I’ve pulled off several times before. But as far as mental strength it was a plateau buster.

I’m currently on a strict diet of cleans and more cleans, followed by some cleans. The MO for my cleaning program goes something like this:

• Start with just the bar, warming up with some hang cleans and fronts squats.
• Slowly add weight and start cleaning from the floor
• Progress up to a heavy weight, at which point I’ll “miss” (meaning, almost dislocate both wrists and drop the weight like a sissy).
• Continue to miss from this point onward, until we lower the weight significantly and I hit something that, push come to shove, I could probably bicep curl up to my face.

See the problem? I don’t deal very well with failure. After I miss, my confidence and resolve is broken, and everything goes south. I’ve never missed a clean, only to bounce back and successfully power/squat/WHATEVER clean it… Until last night.

Like I said, I’ve done the weight before. But it was my max. There’s something mentally intimidating about doing your max weight, whether it’s shooting for a new max, or even just hitting your old.

I step up to the bar, left shin already bleeding as usual, and give it a shot: My form falls to crap, and I bail on the catch, dumping the bar in front me like a sissy… Like I’ve done dozens of times before.

I go again. Miss.

Again. Miss.

Not sure what it was, but the fourth time I went for it, my attitude was different. Rather than think about all the things I’ve been doing wrong, I just cleared my brain and went for it with everything I had: hit the first and second pull like butter, caught it piss poorly, and by sheer force of will I wobbled and stumbled my way up like a lame chicken to standing straight up. I’m not going to be winning any technique competitions anytime soon, but that’s not the point: The point is to lift the weight; and lift the weight I did.

More importantly though, is the fact that I lifted it after multiple miserable failures. Now I know, deep down in the back of my little brain, that even after making a complete ass of myself, the ability to bounce back and nail it (…sorta) is in there somewhere. Now it’s just a matter of tapping into that on a consistent basis.

Hey, look, baby steps alright.