I used to have a blog. It was pretty cool. I loved it, nurtured it, and watched it grow like a radish patch in Farmville. Also, much like Farmville crops, nobody cared about it really; but I cared, and that’s all that mattered.
Then, one day… I forgot her.
I couldn’t really even tell you why, exactly, that I put it down. But a lot of things have happened in the “personal/family” life in the past 8 months or so, and I think the dust is still kind of settling on my psyche at the moment, so I’m going to chalk it up to that for the time being. I think when you’re going through what may or may not be a quarter-life/identity crisis, that it’s a good idea to step back for a bit and ask yourself why you’re doing the things that you do, and whether or not you should continue doing them.
I’ve definitely come to the realization that there has been a good bit of “wheel spinning” in my life, and while a lot of my wheel spinning to the casual, outside observer may look like forward progress (and I consistently justified it as such to myself), an observation from a good friend, who is close enough to me to see things for what they really were, opened my eyes to the reality of my current situation: I constantly fill my life with what are generally considered “positive” things hoping to scratch an itch that is not scratchable by external factors.
Also, when I fall short of my own expectations in said activities, I completely beat myself up about it until I no longer even want to do the activity I set my heart on. I’m pretty sure that’s called “negative” reinforcement, and I’ve come to grips with the fact that I’m currently a negative reinforcement junkie, and need to straight up get. over. that. shit.
I’m not going to dig too much into that here, that’s a story for a completely different kind of blog, but I give you all this back-story to tie back into this here badass blog that has had good days and bad days. Or at least that’s the way I’ve looked at it previously. When I was writing frequently, and focused on a topic, I thought of things as being “good”. When I wouldn’t post for a whole week, I’d beat myself up about it, force myself to sit down and write something, anything, and then publish it.
Well I’ve decided that, at least for now, I’d like to continue blogging. I actually do enjoy it when I’m letting it come naturally, and excited about whatever it is that I’m writing about. All the Paleo stuff is awesome, and I enjoy reading about it, experimenting with it, and writing about it. I like having goals that I write down and release into the wild; and I like achieving those goals, not for other people, but for myself.
You may think since I haven’t been writing, I also haven’t been keeping up with the fitness aspect of things. Well, don’t worry, my dedication to fitness has not waned in the least. I’m a firm believer that if you’re a “fitness blogger”, if one of the two aspects of your repertoire should fall to the wayside, it should be the blogging part, and not the fitness part…That’s just stupid.
So I’m still squatting weekly, pulling 350+, rock climbing occasionally, and here in the past couple months or so I’ve been running twice a week, generally ranging from 4-6 miles per go. I’ve got some cool stuff coming down the pike on the fitness goal front, and I just did the SoCal Tough Mudder, so I have plenty of stuff to write about if I so choose.
Where is all this rambling going? (Look, I’m rusty okay)
Well… this is me, saying to you (and more importantly, myself), that I am still a blogger. However, I make no promises on the frequency of posts, or consistency of quality (as if there ever was), but I’m just going to… write. And write when I damn well please. No more stressing over it, because bottom line is, this is supposed to be fun and motivating for me.
Unless somebody wants to start paying me for this mess, in which case I will write on the regular, about pretty much anything you want (holla at me).